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Best Emo Philips Quotes

Emo Philips Quotes About Life, Success, Religion, Funny, Change & Motivational! Emo Philips is an American comedian born on February 7th, 1956. In most of his stand-up comedy, Emo uses the paraprosdokians, which he speaks in a falsetto voice. This delivery style produces the right timing in the comic and invokes the wisdom of kids or idiot savants. Until now, Emo has released three comedy albums. In 1985, his album “E=MO2” won the New Music Award for best comedy film for its live recording in New York City.

Emo Philips Quotes

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He released this album on a single CD during his Live album at Hasty Pudding. Also, in 2001, Emo released an album entitled Emo. His ranking was 50 on E4’s list of the 100 best comedians. Aside from that, he was number 54 on the Channel 4 list of the 100 greatest stand-ups.

The Weird Al Show and Miami Vice featured Emo as actors. In 2001, he appeared on a panel game called 8 Out of 10 Cats on British television. Among his voiceover credits are ones for Dr. Katz, Professional Therapist, Space Ghost Coast to Coast, Home Movies, Adventure Time, and he did the voice of Dooper for Slacked Cats. There was a rumor Emo was dating comedian Judy Tenuta, an entertainer and comic. Both Emo and Judy Tenuta denied dating rumors.

Best Emo Philips Quotes

1. “I’ve always suffered from a complete inability to sense who’s important.”– Emo Philips

2. “I was sleeping the other night, alone, thanks to the exterminator.”– Emo Philips

3. “You should get married. When I was younger, I was into the fame and fortune, and now I realize that a loving wife and happy children – that’s life’s greatest consolation prize.”– Emo Philips

4. “I’m a great lover, I’ll bet.”– Emo Philips

5. “I’ve been wrestling with reality for most of my life. I’m pleased to say I’ve won.”– Emo Philips

6. “Well, my brother says Hello. So, hooray for speech therapy.”– Emo Philips

7. “The American government is making nuclear weapons like there’s no tomorrow.”– Emo Philips

8. “I like walking in the park… plucking out nose hairs. Those sleeping winos hate that.” – ‘Dr. Katz. Professional Therapist’.– Emo Philips

9. “I ran five miles today. Then, finally, I said, ‘Here, lady… take your purse.'”– Emo Philips

10. “I used to be scared of pretty girls until one confessed they’re just as scared of me.”– Emo Philips

11. “When I was ten, my family moved to Downer’s Grove, Illinois. When I was twelve, I found them.”– Emo Philips

12. “People come up to me… concerned… that I’ll reproduce.”– Emo Philips

13. “You know, at parties, people always ask, ‘Where were you when Kennedy was shot?’ Well, I don’t have an alibi!”– Emo Philips

14. “I’m not a fatalist; even if I were, what could I do about it?”– Emo Philips

15. “I got a job at an amusement park. I like to make the rides more terrifying by throwing a couple of screws onto the seats.”– Emo Philips

16. “England is better only because I stand out there as ‘unusual’.”– Emo Philips

17. “I was feeling a bit down, I went to a therapist a few times, at a hundred bucks a pop. But then I realized that no therapy session would ever cheer me up half as much as if I was just strolling along and found a hundred dollar bill.” – Psychology Today, July 2006.– Emo Philips

18. “In our school, you were searched for guns and knives on the way in and if you didn’t have any, they gave you some.”– Emo Philips

19. “The Scots are a very tough people. They have drive-by headbuttings. In Glasgow, a sweatband is considered a silencer.” – ‘Emo Philips’, The Guardian, Sanjib Bhattacharya, July 2006.– Emo Philips

20. “I got into a fight one time with a really big guy, and he said, ‘I’m going to mop the floor with your face’. I said, ‘You’ll be sorry.’ He said, ‘Oh yeah? Why?’ I said, ‘Well, you won’t be able to get into the corners very well’.” – Emo Philips

21. “My girlfriend told me that she was seeing another man. I told her to rub her eyes.”– Emo Philips

22. “Don’t wear fur! Did you know, a single fur coat takes fifteen trees, just for the protest signs?”– Emo Philips

23. “I was the kid next door’s imaginary friend.”– Emo Philips

24. “My parents were very protective. I couldn’t even cross the street without them getting all excited, and placing bets.”– Emo Philips

25. “People come up to me and say, “Emo, do people really come up to you?”.”– Emo Philips

26. “A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.”– Emo Philips

27. “Some mornings, it’s just not worth chewing through the leather straps.”– Emo Philips

28. “When I was a kid my parents used to tell me, “Emo, don’t go near the cellar door!” One day when they were away, I went up to the cellar door. And I pushed it and walked through and saw strange, wonderful things, things I had never seen before, like… trees. Grass. Flowers. The sun… that was nice… the sun..”– Emo Philips

29. “I always wanted a beautiful loving wife and she always wanted to be a citizen.”– Emo Philips

30. “Some mornings it just doesn’t seem worth it to gnaw through the leather straps.”– Emo Philips

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