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Best Henny Youngman Quotes

Henny Youngman Quotes About  Marriage, Life, Keep Going On, Inspirational & Success! Humorist and violinist “Henny” Youngman made one-liners famous at a time when long tales were the standard. He was born on March 16th, 1906. His father set up violin lessons for his son so that he may pursue a career in music. For two years, he attended a high school where the curriculum was manual. He was often kicked out of class because he misbehaved in class.

Henny Youngman Quotes

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Instead of studying, he spent much time in the vaudeville halls and made his first theatrical performance in a street theater. He landed a position at a print shop and started creating and producing ‘comic cards,’ essentially joke cards. His career began in show business as an orchestra player before forming the Swanee Syncopaters, a small band he led.

He got his big break when the usual comedy duo at the Nut Club in New Jersey failed to appear for performance, and the management was frantically seeking a substitute. A significant hit that night, Henny. In 1937, he performed on the Kate Smith radio program for the first time. In 1944, he began acting in ‘A Wave and a WAC and a Marine, but he was unsuccessful in Hollywood and returned to nightclubs.

As a stand-up comedian, he was very successful, and his radio appearances only helped to spread his renown. He was continuously on the hunt for a new job since he had a strong desire to make money. He would go to nearly 200 cities in the United States and Canada, logging more than half a million miles. He was entirely absorbed in his job and never took a break. In 1998, at the age of 91, he died from pneumonia.

Best Henny Youngman Quotes

1. “When you battle with your conscience and lose, you win.”— Henny Youngman

2. “If you’re going to do something tonight that you’ll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late.”— Henny Youngman

3. “The patient says, “Doctor, it hurts when I do this.” “Then don’t do that!””— Henny Youngman

4. “My history teacher was so old, he taught from memory.”— Henny Youngman

5. “Who says nothing is impossible? I’ve been doing nothing for years.”— Henny Youngman

6. “I miss my wife’s cooking, as often as I can.”— Henny Youngman

7. “Just think, if it weren’t for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.”— Henny Youngman

8. “I just made a killing in the stock market – I shot my broker.”— Henny Youngman

9. “When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.”— Henny Youngman

10. “My brother was a lifeguard in a car wash.”— Henny Youngman

11. “I said to my wife, ‘Where do you want to go for our anniversary?’ She said, ‘I want to go somewhere I’ve never been before.’ I said, ‘Try the kitchen.’”— Henny Youngman

12. “The more I think of you, the less I think of you.”— Henny Youngman

13. “My wife is the sweetest, most tolerant, most beautiful woman in the world. This is a paid political announcement.”— Henny Youngman

14. “During the war an Italian girl saved my life. She hid me in her basement in Cleveland.”— Henny Youngman

15. “Don’t move! I want to forget you just the way you are.”— Henny Youngman

16. “My best friend ran away with my wife, and let me tell you, I miss him.”— Henny Youngman

17. “While playing golf today I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.”— Henny Youngman

18. “You have a ready wit. Tell me when it’s ready.”— Henny Youngman

19. “I love Christmas. I receive a lot of wonderful presents I can’t wait to exchange.”— Henny Youngman

20. “I had plastic surgery last week. I cut up my credit cards.”— Henny Youngman

21. “I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.”— Henny Youngman

22. “My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn’t need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.”— Henny Youngman

23. “My dad was the town drunk. Most of the time that’s not so bad; but New York City?”— Henny Youngman

24. “Psychiatrists say that 1 of 4 people are mentally ill. Check 3 friends. If they are okay, you’re it.”— Henny Youngman

25. “Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who’ll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you’re in the wrong house, that’s what it means.”— Henny Youngman

26. “I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up – they have no holidays.”— Henny Youngman

27. “A self-taught man usually has a poor teacher and a worse student.”— Henny Youngman

28. “In elementary school, many a true word is spoken in guess.”— Henny Youngman

29. “When I go to a restaurant I always ask the manager, “Give me a table near a waiter.””— Henny Youngman

30. “She’s a big-hearted girl with hips to match.”— Henny Youngman

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