Best John Mulaney Quotes

John Mulaney Quotes About Short, School, College, New in Town, Life, Fugitive, Reddit, Tumblr, Kid Gorgeous & Success! Stand-up comedian and writer John Mulaney is widely regarded for his appearances Saturday Night Live on the American sketch comedy show. He also works as an actor and producer. On August 26, 1982, Mulaney was born in Chicago, Illinois. When he was young, Mulaney served as an altar boy. When he was pretty young, he was given a chance to try out for the central part of Home Alone. But his parents said no. He attended St. Clement School and then went to Georgetown University, where he received a bachelor’s degree in English literature.

After finishing college, John Mulaney relocated to the Big Apple to chase his dream of becoming a comedian. Later, he tried out for Saturday Night Live and got selected as a writer. The program is exceptionally well-known in the United States, and TV Guide has placed it in the tenth spot on their list of popular television programs. Mulaney’s contributions to the program have won him many nominations for various accolades.

In Best Week Ever’s comedy series, John Mulaney had his first substantial appearance. Starting in 2004, this show ran until 2014. He contributes to the American mockumentary television show Documentary Now! as a writer, consultant producer, and co-executive producer. The first broadcast of the show was held in August 2015. There are two Emmy awards nominated for it, according to The New York Times. In 2011, he was awarded the Primetime Emmy for Outstanding Music and Lyrics.

Best John Mulaney Quotes

1. “I’m a very lucky person. I’m an idiot, and I’ve shoveled through life rather nicely so far, so I don’t feel like I deserve good treatment.” – John Mulaney

2. “You can do good work simply staying up all night and eating nothing but junk food, but probably not in the long term.” – John Mulaney

3. “I like when things are crazy. Something good comes out of exhaustion.” – John Mulaney

4. “I am very small and I have no money. So you can imagine the kind of stress that I am under.” – John Mulaney

5. “I’ll keep all my emotions right here. And then one day I’ll die.” – John Mulaney

6. “13-year-olds are the meanest people in the world. They terrify me to this day because 8th graders will make fun of you but in an accurate way. They will get to the thing that you don’t like about you. They don’t even have to look at you long.” – John Mulaney

7. “You start doing something and you want it to be perfect right away, but most babies are born ugly and then they shake it out and you get beautiful toddlers.” – John Mulaney

8. “You can’t always see both sides of the story. Eventually, you have to pick a side and stick with it. No more equivocating. You have to commit.” – John Mulaney 

9. “The more you do stuff, the better you get at dealing with how you still fail at it a lot of the time.” – John Mulaney

10. “I don’t make plans anymore. So I’m not living minute to minute.” – John Mulaney

11. “I’ll book a ticket on some garbage airline. I don’t wanna name an actual airline so let’s make one up, let’s just call it like Delta Airlines.” – John Mulaney

12. “For those of you who don’t know what it is, blackout drinking is when your brain goes to sleep, but your body gets all ‘Eye of the Tiger’ and soldiers on.” – John Mulaney

13. “And then he ordered one black coffee for himself and kept driving.” – John Mulaney

14. “All my money is in a savings account. My dad has explained the stock market to me maybe 75 times. I still don’t understand it.” – John Mulaney

15. “I played basketball for five years and I was a benchwarmer all five years. If you were never a benchwarmer, I cannot express to you the humiliation of every Saturday morning, putting on a pair of breakaway pants and never having a reason to break them away — then they’re just pants.” – John Mulaney

16. “I’m like an iPhone, it’s going to be worse versions of this every year, plus I get super hot in the middle of the afternoon for no reason.” – John Mulaney

17. “College was like a four-year game show called “Do My Friends Hate Me or Do I Just Need To Go To Sleep?” – John Mulaney

18. “I quit drinking because I used to drink too much, then I would black out and I would ruin parties.” – John Mulaney

19. “Late at night, on the street, women will see me as a threat. That is funny, yeah! It’s kind of flattering in its own way, but at the same time, it’s weird because, like, I’m still afraid of being kidnapped.” – John Mulaney

20. “I look back on being 17 and think, “Oh my God, how did I not die?” – John Mulaney

21. “My vibe is like, hey you could probably pour soup in my lap and I’ll apologize to you.” – John Mulaney

22. “Going on the road for long stretches can seem daunting, and I certainly miss being home sometimes, but the chance to see so many different cities, let alone perform in them, is something I am really grateful for.” – John Mulaney 

23. “I like making fun of myself a lot. I like being made fun or, too. I’ve always enjoyed it. There’s just something really, really funny about someone tearing into me.” – John Mulaney

24. “Stand-up for me is just my opinions on things, so it wouldn’t be as fun translated into a sketch. Nor would a sketch be as fun if it were me standing there saying it.” – John Mulaney 

25. “Irish people don’t want comfort. Look at a sweater made in Ireland. It’s like a turtleneck made out of Brillo pads.” – John Mulaney

26. “It’s 100% easier not to do things than to do them.” – John Mulaney

27. “Just because you’re accurate doesn’t mean you’re interesting.” – John Mulaney

28. “Girl Scout cookies are delicious! They come in Thin Mint and Samoa and also other flavors. How come I have to know a child in a beret to order them? Just sell me the cookies. I have American money. Just put them in a store and I’ll buy them.” – John Mulaney

29. “According to the Girl Scouts website you cannot buy Girl Scout cookies online. Do you know what you can buy online? Everything.” – John Mulaney

30. “‘Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?’’ You’re not allowed to milk a cow that you don’t own. That’s not even a situation. Was that a problem at one point?” – John Mulaney